(no subject)

Thank you to all that talked to me after my post Saturday night. My head is definitely in a better spot, and hopefully I won't hit another spiral for a while. In a normal year, I only get like one or two breakdowns. This past year hasn't been normal. I think the only positive thing about them is that I used to have semi-suicidal thoughts during them, which hasn't happened in the last few ones. (Semi-suicidal, because I'd be aware that I'd never go through with it even as I thought it.)

Made chili for the first time for this past Sunday's game night. Was a bit selfish, since I did beef chili, and niteflite and nonblasphemer were hosting, and they're vegetarian. At least I brought canned vegetarian chili with me? And I had it cooking at work. I had put everything in my slowcooker's pot the night before (the pot is separate and sits on top of a base that heats it from below) and put the pot in the fridge overnight, and then set it up to cook when I got to work. And of course I made it without a recipe. And I used just shy of 1/4 cup of cayenne. I had never cooked with cayenne before, so I just knew academically that it was very hot, and not how that related to my own spicy tolerances.

Yeah. Bad idea. I got through the one bowl of the chili, but just barely. The only other meat eater that was there has MUCH higher tolerances than me, and he had zero problems with it. So he got to take the leftovers home. lol Next time I'll use less cayenne. Though I want to get more of different kinds of dried chile powders to put in. Ultimately I'm trying to do a mimic of Dennison's Hot Chili Con Carne. >_> And maybe work on bringing up my heat tolerances.