Ever get the feeling...

[flybystardancer]

...that those around you are just putting up with you? Like you're the annoying little sister who gets indulged simple because that's easier than the alternative? Like those around you wouldn't exactly be upset if you just...moved on? Disappeared? I don't mean in the suicide sense, but just out of their lives and hair.

Well, that's kinda how I'm feeling right now. Got myself worked up in a depressive funk and thinking back on RPs I've been a part of...and just feeling like people in those RPs didn't really want to be playing with me, but were too polite to say that to me. And to a smaller extent, I'm kinda starting to feel that way about the one RP I can say I'm currently active in (more or less).

At least senior year of high school I knew I didn't belong in any of the groups. Not even the drama-punk/goth clique that used the same free-time hideouts I did and that I had advanced theatre with.



And sorry 'bout the emo post. I probably wouldn't be feeling like such a failure at life, the universe, and everything if my body would fracking shut down and let me sleep! (Couple hours sleep the night before, plus no daytime naps, plus inability to get to sleep when you know you have to be up again in a few hours is not good on the psyche.)

Comments

[fifth-kazekage.livejournal.com]

(This is Tiger on an RP journal.)

=/ Girl, get yourself some sleep. Seriously.

Hey, even though I feel like maybe you've forgotten about me, I never stop thinking about you or wondering how you've been doing. Never stopped caring. So if you ever need an ear or even just some random conversation to fill the time, let me know and I'll be there for you.

[flybystardancer.livejournal.com]

I was trying to! My body wasn't letting me sleep though.

*hugs* Thanks. :) What AIM name are you using lately?

[fifth-kazekage.livejournal.com]

I think I've been getting about five hours of sleep every night. I'm turning into an insomniac, like the character I'm playing. >_>; I don't want the same to happen to you! D:

*hugs a million times over* You can reach me at Matsuri of Suna, my dear. :) Hope to talk to you soon, hehe.

[flybystardancer.livejournal.com]

I've had some mild insomnia off and on for as long as I can remember. Some nights I just can't wind down to sleep. Occasionally it'll be because I'm so excited about something (or really into a book that I'm reading and just can't put down), but most of the time my brain just won't. shut. down. Though I never just gave up and stayed up until I came here. At home I'd at least get one or two hours.

See, I don't think I have that one... And sometimes I see one of your older ones on and go, "Wait, is she still using that? Or is that someone else?"

[mommimus-prime.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I get the feeling some people would rather not RP with me.

*hugs* I've been wondering how you've been and was very glad to talk to you the other day so I know everybody doesn't wish you'd just disappear. I know I don't.

[flybystardancer.livejournal.com]

All the stuff we were in together just kinda... broke up and drifted apart. :/ I'm not really sure when or how it happened. Heh. IM me when we're both on? A lot of times by the time I check, you're either set to away or offline.

*sees your G1 Jazz and raises to Ani!*

[niteflite.livejournal.com]

Okay, sleep. You're a nut. I love you, and you should know that by now.

Also, you're like me, I think. (well, duh.) One or two really close friends, everyone else is really "acquaintances".

[flybystardancer.livejournal.com]

I was writing this while trying to get to sleep. My body wasn't having any of it though, even though I needed sleep. And I know you do, and it's something I'm eternally grateful for.

*nods* We are that way. It just hurts when someone that I find at least a semi-close friend or a close acquaintance just drifts away during the middle of something together.

[lunatron.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry about that. *Hugs.* I know I can seem distant/cold, and I'm sorry.

[nonblasphemer.livejournal.com]

I understand worrying, but... meh. You are too likable for you to need to worry about that. The first time I met you I thought you were really cool after like 3 seconds. Also insane, but really cool and nice.